Wish I'd said that...

He’s deeply shallow, Michael said as he steered me past the fiction table toward the back of the store.  I had to laugh - words are his business (he owns Rakestraw Books) and my passion and delight (I am a published author and noted big mouth), and that phrase is especially delicious.  And it got me thinking about other clever turns of phrase.  

How many times have you thought of just the right comeback...the day after the event?  Or thought of the perfect comeback and held your tongue, only to wish later you’d let it rip?  Of course there is always the famous “She needs a speed-bump installed between her mouth and her brain.” We all know people like that. You need to say the serious stuff with care and respect.  But for those other moments, and there are so many of those other moments, here are some inspirations:

Groucho Marx said "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." Go Groucho.

Forrest Tucker: "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." I bet you've dated this guy.

Oscar Wilde: "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." And yet somehow they linger and linger...

And for that argumentative yet clueless person: "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." Andrew Lang 

When Eric was visiting a few weeks ago he read us our horoscopes in the morning, and we decided to do horror-scopes and mis-fortune cookies.  Now remember this is all in fun, and try not to get your panties in a bunch. 

1. You are the conversational equivalent of spam. 

2. Work on your social skills - or is it is possible to work on something you don’t have?

3. Your cat is cheating on you.

4. That shirt? with those pants? Is your taste really all in your mouth? 

5. They lied. It is you.

6. I love what you’re trying to do with your hair.

7. Focus your energies on becoming a more positive person - even your therapist is sick of listening to you whine.

8. Your search for old friends and long lost loves isn’t going to work out - they’re all busy changing their email and Facebook accounts to avoid you.

9. If you’ve changed your Facebook status more than three times, your real status is unstable.

And just in case we still need a reminder:

10. Being on Facebook is not a real life.